I let out the secret of being pregnant a while back. Then I just stopped talking about it.

April 22nd at 5:34AM I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. April 22nd at 5:38AM his mother held him, fed him, loved him, and sang to him.. April 22nd 6AM I'm still wondering if I'll ever see him again...

My baby was taken from me, legally, while I was still pregnant with him. They had been watching me, and knew how I was. They found me too unstable, too dependant on selfharm to truely care for a small infant. They blame me for being sick. The doctors knew I was GS positive. Being GS positive means that a natural occuring bacteria normally found in the lower intestines was also in my vaginal canal. They test every pregnant woman. 22% of pregnant women are GS positive. When in labor, and while giving birth, the doctors and nurses are supposed to give you an antibiotic through your IV line, but that never happened with me. I was too far into labor when I got there, and didn't even have time to fill out the paperwork saying I agreed that vaginal birth was for the better, a requirement in the military hospitals.

James Daniel M. is now a few weeks old, and in ICU because the bacteria got into his system, and has damaged his immune system. The family is refusing to let me see him, though all paperwork says the adoption is open. They're trying to get the courts to change it to closed, denying me my right to meet my first born child.